So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
