How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize