I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
