The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
