i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize