Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
