y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
