Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
