I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
