he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
