I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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