I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize