Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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