i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
