Just fell off a train. Bad.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
