I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
