My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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