I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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