I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
