have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
