Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do vagina's smell?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
