My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize