Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
