I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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