buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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