Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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