when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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