i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
