Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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