You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
