did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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