i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
