There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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