so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
