Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
