discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
