I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
