Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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