fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
