no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
