Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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