the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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