How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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