last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
