i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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