And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
