this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
