Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
