Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
