Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
