do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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