is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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