When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
