I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
