If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
