Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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