Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
