wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
