So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
