I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
