ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
